This scene took place in 2004, during Bert’s confinement at Wendover. It had to be cut for space reasons.
Shortly after 5:00 p.m., the day shift gathered in front of Bert’s cell, and he began his story, “I’ll call this one ‘David and Abigail.’”
OK, let’s start out with just a little recap. David had just spared Saul’s life, and while David, strictly speaking, was not at this time a fugitive from Saul, David no longer trusted him. That being the case, David, his 600 men, and their families stayed far away from King Saul, in a wilderness or desert area called Paran. After having to feign insanity while he stayed with the Philistines earlier, he did not want to be in enemy territory, so he stayed near an Israeli ranch owned by a man named Nabal. Nabal was a very rich man, with a hot wife named Abigail.
Let me break in just for a moment to tell you a fact about the Bible: it doesn’t deal an awful lot in physical appearances, so when it does talk about someone’s appearance, it is the exception, not the rule. For example, Saul was described as being tall, and David himself was described as being “ruddy,” or having a reddish appearance that was considered quite handsome. Women were seldom described at all, and when one was described as “beautiful,” that means that she was drop-dead gorgeous. That was Abigail, but she was far, far more than just a pretty face. She had an excellent mind too, as we shall see. I know what you are asking yourselves: was Abigail a trophy wife to a rich old man? Maybe. I don’t know. I do know that she was in charge of the household, so she had serious responsibility. My ex is in catering, and my guess is that Abigail ran a house as large as a modern catering house.
Moving on, David and his men provided security for Nabal’s flocks. Remember, while there was an Israeli army to protect against large-scale foreign invasions, there were also threats such as bandits and raiding parties, and there were no police as we would think of them. There were day and night watchmen in the cities, but that was not at all the same thing. Also remember that Israel was surrounded on all sides its by enemies, so David and his men were providing a real service. Moreover, David was not running a “protection” racket — his men respected Nabal’s herdsmen, and didn’t try to shake them down — a fact that was well known. David, having been a shepherd himself, undoubtedly had a soft spot for other shepherds.
Anyway, it was sheep-shearing time, which I understand is in the spring, about the time of the spring equinox. The more important fact was that it was a time of celebration, even revelry, sort of like a county fair. This was not a religious festival, but more like a party. Anyway, David sent ten of his young men to Nabal with a message that went as follows:
David sends his greetings. Peace to you, your house, and all that you own. It’s shearing season. We were good to your shepherds who were with us, not harming or stealing from any of them the whole time they were with us. Ask them, and they will tell you themselves. We would like to celebrate too, so please send whatever you can spare to your servants, and to your son, David.
The number of men that David sent suggested how much he thought Nabal might give, but he left the amount up to Nabal. He wanted a party for his people, and was asking Nabal to share the wealth. Considering what he had already done for Nabal and his men, he was not being unreasonable, and Nabal should have known it. This is Nabal’s reply:
Who is David? Who is the son of Jesse? There are many servants who desert their masters these days. Shall I give my bread, my water, my slaughtered animals intended for my shearers to strangers who gather at my door?
David’s men returned to David with Nabal’s message. Meanwhile, Nabal got roaring drunk. When David got the message, he gave a simple order: “Everyone, put on your sword.” David put on his sword, too. Then he divided his fighting men into two groups: a raiding party of 400 men, and a rear guard of the remaining 200 men, to protect the camp and the families of his men.
Meanwhile, what Nabal had said to David’s men had been witnessed by a household servant who had a brain in his head, and he went straight to Abigail and told her what had happened, even telling her how well David’s men had protected the shepherds. He must have been covered with a cold sweat as he begged her to do something to save their lives. He had no doubt what would happen. He knew David’s reputation as a warrior, and he had just listened to a highly insulting reply to a mild and reasonable request, as if Nabal had a death wish.
Abigail could add two and two together as well, and she must have run to the kitchen.
I can only imagine what she must have said to the help: “Load the pack animals with food!”
“How much?”
“All of it! Hurry! Pray that we have enough!”
If you think I am exaggerating, listen to the list of what she sent: 200 loaves of bread, 2 skins of wine, 5 sheep dressed for cooking, 60 pounds of roasted grain, 100 clusters of raisins, 200 cakes of pressed figs. She packed things that could be easily transported, but I strongly suspect she emptied the pantry. This was not the time for half measures.
Then she told her servants, “Get moving. I’ll be right behind you.” The one person she did not tell was her husband. She was too busy trying to save his life for an argument. She then saddled up her donkey and passed her pack train, trying to get to David before he got to Nabal.
David was more than ready to kill Nabal. He said to himself, “What a waste! I protected that man’s stuff in the desert, so that nothing of his went missing, and this is the way he repays me. May the Lord deal with me, however severely, if I leave even one of his men alive by sunrise tomorrow!”
“Major Winchester, when you got me this Bible, a King James version which was first published while Shakespeare was still alive, I considered asking for a modern translation. Not any more. I have read this passage before in other ‘modern’ translations and paraphrases, but they always read ‘man’ or ‘male.’ The King James Version of 1611 reads ‘any that pisseth against the wall.’”
There were chuckles from around the room from the men. Bert looked at the women and said, “Sorry, ladies. I did not mean to offend either of you in any way by that remark. Please remember that he had been a colonel in an all-male army, and this was undoubtedly the literal turn of phrase he used. It also tells us what kind of latrines they used in the Israeli army in that day. I’m going to have to tell you though, that’s just plain funny.”
Continuing, David was leading the raiding party headed straight for Nabal, and David was in a foul, foul mood. He and Abigail met in a ravine. Then Abigail did battle with David in a way that he was utterly unprepared for. She went straight for his stomach. His and that of every man with him.
David was intent on killing Nabal, and Abigail was intent on saving his life. She needed to beat the 401-to-1 odds against her. She did it by taking physical conflict right out of the equation. She saw David and immediately surrendered to him. When she saw him, she hurried to him, got off her donkey and fell on her face before him.
“It’s all my fault,” she said. “Please listen to me. Don’t pay any attention to that son of the Devil, Nabal. Even his name means ‘fool.’ I would have treated you better — but I did not see the young men you sent. Please, sir, do not shed blood or avenge yourself with your own hands. Let your enemies and all who seek to hurt you be as Nabal. Instead, please accept this gift from your handmaid to my lord and his young men. Please forgive my presumption, but I know you will be King and the start of a dynasty because you fight the battles of the Lord, and you have done no evil in all your days. Your enemies will fail because the Lord will protect you. When the Lord has made you King over Israel, let not this incident cause you grief because you shed blood without just cause or because you avenged yourself. And when the Lord causes all this to come to pass, remember your servant.”
With that, and the load of food that she had with her, Abigail conquered David and his men.
Airman Smitts laughed and said, “You go, girl!”
Bert continued:
David didn’t even discuss terms of surrender. He immediately sued for peace. “Blessed be the Lord God of Israel, who sent you to me, and blessed be your advice, and blessed be you. You kept me today from shedding blood and avenging myself with my own hand. Except for you, there would not be a man of Nabal’s alive by dawn tomorrow.” (By the way, he used the same expression as he used before for “man”.) Then David added, “Go in peace back to your house. I have listened to you and accept your gift.”
So Abigail went back to Nabal, who was feasting like a king, and was drunk as a skunk. Abigail said nothing to Nabal until the next day after he sobered up. Then she told him everything, and he reacted by stiffening up. The description in the passage makes it sound exactly like a stroke. About ten days later, he died.
When David heard about Nabal, he did not even pretend to be sorry. Instead he sent his servants to Abigail to ask if she would be his wife. She accepted his offer, and they were married. At that time he had two wives, and no, the other one was not Saul’s daughter Michal. Saul had given her to another man. It is recorded that Michal never had any children, which was considered to be a curse by Israeli women. Meanwhile, David started building himself a harem of wives, and having children with them. This would come back to bite him later, because for all the good things about him, he was not a very good father and he had a bunch of children.
At 5:30 p.m., the day shift left. As Major Winchester passed by Bert’s cell, he said to Bert, “You’re still a smartass, but can you tell a story!”
Copyright (c)2016, Philip Hair. All rights reserved.